The Online Forum (the internet edition of the Straits Times) published a shorter version of this letter on 25 February 2013. The letter was retitled 'A mother's wish list' by the editor.
I am thankful to have grown up in a country that gives women and girls the freedom to dream and to do all that they want to realize their fullest potential. But much of what I do in pursuing my dreams while raising a family have also depended on my ability to afford them. I needed money to give up full-time work and be a stay-at- home mom, to have help at home so that I could run my home-based business while supervising my kids' learning and play, to travel, to study or to learn new skills.
I am thankful to have grown up in a country that gives women and girls the freedom to dream and to do all that they want to realize their fullest potential. But much of what I do in pursuing my dreams while raising a family have also depended on my ability to afford them. I needed money to give up full-time work and be a stay-at- home mom, to have help at home so that I could run my home-based business while supervising my kids' learning and play, to travel, to study or to learn new skills.
Clearly, we mothers
don't have equal power to do what we want to do even if we have equal rights
and opportunities to do them. This is a given in a meritocratic society. With
nobility, we may say that having children makes all self-sacrifices worthwhile;
although honestly, I suspect that many of us have little or no money left to
invest in personal development after paying all the bills. While we may put our
personal plans on the back burners for the sake of our children, at the end of
the day, we are still humans with dreams and wish lists.
Looking at the steady decline in our birth rate, the cost of raising a family, the intense competition from the global workforce for local employment, and workplace discrimination against mothers, I fear that we will become marginalized in society unless more is done to meet our needs throughout the stages of our parenthood.
Yet I will indulge in dreaming of a better future - for new
mothers, and others who are soon approaching empty nests - where we will enjoy
our families, live more fulfilled lives, and be able to contribute meaningfully
to a society that values mothers.
My wish list include:
- Reduced levy for one foreign domestic help per family as long as the family still has one school-going child. This would help a young family to defray expenses and afford to have more children.
- Monthly cash grant or medical benefits for grandparents who babysit their grandchildren to reward the grandparents for the hard and heart work of providing childcare in their autumn years. In this way, the government would support the elderly who support the younger generations.
- Transport companies to subsidize public transport for mothers travelling with children below 0.9m tall who travel free.
- Local attractions to subsidize admissions for mothers visiting with children any time of the day on any day of the week.
- Bookstores to offer discounts for mothers buying books for their children including assessment books.
- Tertiary institutions to offer fee subsidies to encourage stay-at-home mothers to use their time away from full-time work to upgrade themselves.
- Employers to recognise skills-based volunteer work and professional pro bono work done by stay-at-home moms as productive involvement in community projects.
- Grants for organizations that employ stay-at-home mothers who return to fulltime PMET work to improve their participation in the local workforce. This will also help to avert unreasonable depression of salaries for returning mothers, and help them find meaningful work.
I started a family after being inspired by some stay-at-home mothers
who kept a healthy sense of their own individuality. Documentaries that feature
big families tend to focus largely on the well-being of the children while the mothers
have little or no role outside of the home. I think this approach is no longer
relevant to younger mothers who value their individuality. What they need to
know is that a woman can be a mother and much more.
Yes, I dream of having it all.